I absolutely loved this "review" of the film version of The Da Vinci Code. Written as a "memo to Ron," Toronto Star writer Peter Howell gives director Ron Howard a lesson on how to make a movie.

His suggestions for making The Da Vinci Code an edge-of-the-seat thriller rather than what he says will become a DVD needing a label warning viewers not to operate heavy machinery while watching:

• Sexier stars, such as Ludivine Sagnier (pictured) as Sophie Neveu and Aaron Eckhart as Robert Langdon
• Sexier cars, like a red Porsche or Peugot in the chase scene
• An extension of the "all but ignored" orgy scene which as Dan Brown wrote it would have rivaled Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut in debauchery
• Some real religious controversy and blasphemy, not a "respectful" and "soft-pedaled" tone towards the Catholic Church

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